If anyone has either met me in the last twenty four hours, read my facebook status or (God forbid) undergone the serial joy that is retail customer service training, they can pretty much skip this entire blog and wait for the next entry.
I thought I’d get the successful things out the way first. Some of the basic stuff on disabled customers was useful. The motivating stuff almost worked. Obviously finding out about the area helped for anyone who was from outside the area. And obviously I understand that it is necessary for all employers to provide basic levels of training to all their employees.
Except, no, hold on a minute. For the fourth time, I have completed the same training programme at a venue(run by the same company) located exactly 20.8 miles from my workplace. Even in Cornwall this means that the local doctors, post office and Tourist Information office is different (I asked this time if we could answer the questions for my own workplace, but that wasn’t allowed apparently).
Going on to stage two of this rant, the training for helping customers with disabilities was exceptionally patronising. Did anyone else know that just pointing – or giving visual directions, like, for example, “when you see the big tree, turn left”, are also inappropriate for visually impaired customers? Or, alternatively, when talking to someone with a hearing impairment, it is vital not to cover your mouth? No shit Sherlock.
I thought so. I suppose the small advantage is that the revamped training booklet didn’t list the following alongside the “Customers with Special Needs” section: hearing impairment, sight impairment, mobility impairment, mental impairment, foreigners. Yes you did read the last one right!
Of course, these training things are beset by jargon. The following exchange gives a brief flavour of how contemporary management philosophy seeks to alienate the employee at every turn.
Q: ‘Who is most important to the Guest’s on-park experience?’
I replied ‘the staff’ (I thought, not unreasonably) However, this was inaccurate…
A: ‘We don’t have staff or employees here. We have team. We are all a team…’
The final – and to my mind – most serious problem with all customer service training is that it presumes several things. First of all, that Bourne employees natural – i.e. untrained, uninitiated – state is one of absolute apathy toward customers/guests.
An Update: 11/07/08
I am not normally one to edit or alter my posts – this blog is intended to allow the free expression of views and invite any reader to make reply to anything I post (see the post on Atheism and Richard Dawkins for the one successful occasion).
Furthermore, this blog clearly represents my personal views and should not be taken as an accurate, objective or empirical reflection of anything beyond my idyosincratic opinion on a variety of matters.
Thanks for the post